i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
