my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
