I'm pants shitting drunk right now
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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