that's an acceptable place to lick
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
