their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
