dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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