Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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