I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I faked an abortion last night.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
