too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
