Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
