proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
