Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
