Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
