idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hippo gnu deer
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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