I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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