Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
