how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
