Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
