And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
