You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
