my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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