im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
