I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
