dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
