all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
