omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
