I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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