i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
smell my finger.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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