I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
