Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
