Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
