can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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