It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
