I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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