I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
