I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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