hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
