i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
