I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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