I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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