I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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