You smell like a Billy Joel song
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
