I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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