So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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