I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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