I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
