you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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