he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
