i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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