I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
